Category: Personal Post

Everyone You Leave Behind

I’ve been tumbling this post around in my brain the last week, so we’ll see how this goes.

Moving is hard. Last July, when my best left, it was really hard. And now, here we are, having left all of our favorite people 931 miles away. Now that I’m here, so far away, I am so damn happy for her, that they followed their dreams and packed their bags. I get it now. I understand it.

When you move, it’s hard. It’s exciting, but hard. Everything is new, which is great and terrifying. And totally overwhelming. We’ve been here 3 weeks now and I can almost get to Target without mapping it. Your whole life is unfamiliar. You miss your old life, but the missing is so big and the new is so big, that its all just a jumble. And you’re so busy trying to remember where Target is and what your new highways are called and what the hell these turn lanes are that you don’t always feel the enormity of all you’ve left behind.

When someone you love moves, your life is the same, except this big whole where the person you loved used to be. Your days look almost the same, but they’re missing. You can drive by their house and see that they aren’t there. Your favorite places and your favorite things can be littered with all the fun things you used to do together. Your life looks the same, but it’s totally different. You have time to feel all of the feelings of loss, because you aren’t busy relearning your whole world.

I remember when my sister wife from across the street moved to a whole new state. The street we played in, the steps we drew on, the kitchen we snacked in – it all looked the same but it wasn’t. My whole day changed. Eventually, our afternoons filled in with new activities. Our mornings had new play dates. We made new friends. Phone dates replaced coffee dates. But man, I was sad.

I miss my friends. And my friends’ kids. And I’m so sad that I’m making them sad, by leaving this Ockwig sized hole in their lives. But you guys. If you feel like you need to move, do it. If you long for a new adventure and unfamiliar road names and unknown Targets, go for it. You can’t live your life for someone else.

Life is short and the world is big. This new adventure has been so amazing that it’s worth every bit of hard on this end. But getting there is hard.

So, Minnesota, we miss you. We’d love for you to join us. We can’t wait to see you. And thank you for all the high fives and cheerleading.

A Journey of 1000 Miles

… begins with a single step. But this journey was only 931 miles.

We started the day off with last minute cleaning and packing (meaning, fit all the things in the van), a play date to exhaust the kids (which failed), last minute hugs from our favorite friends, and a big wave goodbye to the house we brought Wilson home to.

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You guys, some people really like to drive. 12 hours and 39 minutes is a quick, easy jaunt to them. And I am not one of those people. But I contained my complaints knowing that me begging to stop would only 1. Delay arrival in CO and 2. inspire the littles to start complaining.

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The kids did awesome. Iowa and Nebraska are really big states and, sadly, it was really cold so we couldn’t do the fun things we wanted to do along the way. But Wilson did get his hotel stay, and Matilda got all the tablet time she could handle.

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We had approximately 34 minutes of heavenly double nap, and it was amazing. Luckily, Wilson woke up just as we approached a gas station for the first time in an hour, and we convinced him to get back in the car with a bag of M&Ms.

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When we left Nebraska that morning, I told Ryan that I really wanted to hit this open house on the way to Jen’s. Because obviously we’re going to just swing by an open house as soon as we’re in town. It was going to be close, Ryan said, especially with lunch and mandatory bathroom breaks (4 year old bladders are smaller than glasses of chocolate milk). But we made it! 

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It wasn’t our dream house, but it did make our dream more of a reality. We explored and imagined our life here. We headed to Jen’s, went out for dinner, came home and crashed.  We enjoyed beautiful mountain views and the most amazing sunset from the rooftop patio and the kids were a little obsessed with the revolving door.

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It felt good to be home, even just our in-between home.

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The Last Time

We’re several hours into the first of what I imagine will be many cross-country drives. We’ve only stopped twice, we just booked our hotel room for the night, and barely anyone’s cried.

Today was was the beginning of a whole new world of firsts. And the end of six weeks of lasts. The last time we’d roll down our favorite hill. The last time we’d eat at our favorite breakfast place. The last time at the big mall or Eagles Nest or our local Target. And the really hard lasts: the last hug from all of our favorite people. The last play dates with my very best friends. The last dinners. The last coffee dates. The last photo dates. The lasts.

Last night was our last night in the house we loved so much. The house we brought Wilson home to. The house we had our first day of school in. The house we laughed and cried and rebuilt. The house that we wallpapered with photos I took of all of our favorite adventures. The house that we made so much our home.

And now, a new chapter. A big, scary chapter filled with new firsts. With all sorts of firsts and unfamiliarity. And we absolutely cannot wait.

It was hard, all of the lasts. Well, most of them. Some things were welcome goodbyes. But the best things in life are hard, right?

If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.

– Tom Hanks

Go do big things your heart longs for. It’ll be totally worth it.

We’re moving.

We’re doing it. We’re moving. To Denver. We’re packing up our whole lives to try something crazy and new, for no other reason than we really, really want to. (Which, I’ve realized, is really hard for some people to understand.) Last summer, we spent a week in Denver staying with a friend I met on the internet. (No. For real. Brooke and I met IRL for the first time when we met her at the aquarium before sleeping at her house.) Ryan and I stood in the mountains and looked at each other. We could live here. That’d be fun. 

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And then my best friend, my co-parent, my mid-afternoon coffee-on-the-front-steps-while-the-kids-bike neighbor across the street moved. And Ryan and I looked at each other and said, hey, we could do that. But could we? Could we really pack up all of our lives and leave our friends and our history and our families behind? Could we give up a whole life of familiarity for a wild and crazy dream? Yup. We sure could.

This summer, when my cousin offered us a free place to stay, we booked our flights and headed back. We knew.

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Here we are, a year later. Most of my life is in boxes. My walls are bare. We’re so ready, you guys. SO ready. And I get that not everyone gets it. And that’s cool, because this feels so crazy right. We’re going to go live by the mountains, we might go skiing, we’re going to scope out all that Colorado has to offer.

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And we’re really dang excited.

But it’s hard, you guys. Packing your life and selling your house and starting new jobs is hard. And saying goodbye to all of your friends is so hard. These are the friendships I’ve waited my whole life for, and I have some really kick ass friends. And we’re changing all of that, to go chase some dreams. Building a whole spankin’ new life. With the four of us at the core.

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Life doesn’t have to be what it was. It’s okay to do something new, even if the old was find. It’s okay to make selfish choices for your family, it’s okay to follow your dreams and to listen to your heart. It’s okay. You can do this. You can do whatever the hell you want to live your best life, with whomever you want to live it with.

So, if you’re on the fence, do it. Take the job, sell the house. (I mean, ask me in 3 weeks when we’re all on top of each other in my cousin’s house, driving each other nuts, and I might change my mind.) And if someone you love is chasing crazy dreams across the country, don’t be mad. It’s not you, it’s them. And that’s okay. Cheer them on. Help them pack. Babysit their kids while they patch the holes in their walls. Whatever you want to do, just show up for them. You can’t ask them to live your version of their life.

I can’t wait to share this journey with you. This wild and crazy adventure. I’d like to blog more, as we work through this.. Here we go! Final countdown is on.

 

Summer Bucket List

Summer is coming. I am longing and dreaming and impatiently waiting for June 7th, the day that our school days end and our freedom returns. Days open to explore and adventure, without an itinerary beyond living our very best life.
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We’re bucket listing this summer. Because time passes and we forget all of the wonderful places we wanted to go until it’s a little too late to go there. It’s not a to do list, but an ongoing reminder.

Here we go!

Rainy Day Activities

The Point.

For the longest time, I didn’t write because I didn’t know what to write. What could I possibly add to the internet, when everyone’s always said it already? What new and original ideas do I have to share?

Let’s be clear, I have no intentions of coming up with any earth-shattering innovative ideas. I want to blog for me. For my kids. To share these adventures, to tell our ordinary story. I long to tell the full story, the context behind the photos. So here we go. Let the blogging begin.

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